A Loss for Words

In my mind, I've started the story of your birthday a thousand times. Somehow there are few words to describe the most transcendent day of my life, the day you were born, Noah Alexander.

The feelings began early on New Year's Day, before I even got out of bed. I could tell my body was doing something new, but I was not ready to talk about it, name it or describe it out loud, for fear it was just me, wishing you to join us on the outside. The feeling was low in my belly and seemed to be happening in some kind of pattern. I told your mom about the feelings around ten in the morning and began to write and record each time the muscles would move. I noticed that the surges were happening about every ten to fifteen minutes..Malaka texted sometime in the morning for an update and I questioned the significance of what I was feeling - she abruptly replied, "YES! YES! OMG! I'M SO FRICKEN EXCITED!" Anyone who has birthed three babies knows the early signs of labor, so I knew at this moment ~ you would be with us soon.

Your mom, Granny and Grampa hung out the rest of the day, watching football and your Granny and I made a big batch of chocolate chip cookies to celebrate your arrival. Your mom made a delicious dinner of chicken alfredo and salad that we all enjoyed together. As the evening progressed, the surges got closer together and we started to prepare to go to the hospital. I took a shower and fixed my hair so that I would be pretty for your birth. We finished packing two bags with goodies for us and two outfits for you to choose to come home in.

Your mom and I arrived at the hospital around 11:30pm on New Year's Day. At this time, the nurses evaluated me and said that I was only 4cm dialated and that the doctor on call would allow us to return home for the night if we wanted. We decided to stay at the hospital because they had a HUGE tub for us to labor in. You and I spent so much time over the last nine months in the tub, I thought it was the way to spend our last moments together as one. Your mom stayed by my side every second and coached me through each muscle surge for over 24 hours. We listened to Native American flutes and relaxed with the Rainbow Relaxation CD. With each surge, I focused more deeply on bringing you into this world.

Granny and Grampa arrived around 6:30am the next morning, Friday, January 2, along with Nana and Papa a few hours later and then Johanna and Tim came to see you into this world. I was working hard to keep a clear mind and listen to what you were telling me through the surges, as the pressure mounted and the frequency and duration increased. Somehow, I bet your mom counted to 20 over a million times for me during your birth, just to help me through each surge. She's super strong, your mom. I was anxious and ready to meet you, hoping you would be here by lunch time on Friday ~ the doctor said you weren't ready yet so we helped you get here a little bit sooner. Once I started to bear down and position myself, within three big surges, I felt your entire body slide through me and move into the outside world. The next moment, there you were, on my bare chest, shouting your arrival to the world. I looked at you, I looked at your mom and an overwhelming rush of love overcame all of us. We love you with every part of our souls, Noah Alexander.