quiet reflection

the highs and lows of this day are almost too much to describe as getting ready for any holiday can be..in anticipation of the smaller holidays, ie. Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day ~ the days that we stop to celebrate, but are too minor to get a flight home to be with my parents are sometimes the most emotional and it almost comes out of nowhere. i've been so excited this week about baking and celebrating with Arizona family and being together that the onset of strong emotions this morning hit like a freight train.

i got up early and was all prepared to make my first batch of homemade cupcakes for our Easter dinner, decorated like little Easter baskets- i have seriously been planning on this for over a week - buying a new pan, looking up recipes, getting all the ingredients together..etc, etc. there were some challenges along the way, the licorice wilted, the frosting was too sweet, there were no papers to fit the pan, no sifter for the sugar - all kinds of roadblocks - somewhere between the cupcakes and the communication at the house, i had to release. the tears just came and would not stop, even my chest was aching. there's a certain feeling when you are overwhelmed with emotion that your heart actually hurts. lex sat with me in the bathroom until i got it all out and i cannot help but think about the bathroom story in "Eat, Pray, Love" where the author spends so much of her time releasing emotionally on the bathroom floor. letting go might have been the healthiest thing i did for myself today and it definitely prepared me for what was to come.

i work myself up on these minor holidays about who i will call first and often see if my family will call first. i had a few moments ended up talking to hannah, which is always a joy, then followed by a call to my sister. we got everything ready finally and drove to lex's parents, lou riding in the backseat. we read a chapter of "To Kill a Mockingbird" on the way to ease and clear our minds to prepare for the second part of the day.

when we arrived, everyone was milling about, getting the food ready for a beautiful Easter lunch. once we had it under control, i stepped away and called mom and dad. i knew they were spending Easter just with each other as amy and family weren't able to make it this year. we had an upbeat conversation, laughed a little, and told each other "I love you." i miss being able to be with them on days like today, and even more so when i spend time with families who hurt each other and are struggling with forgiveness. ana and jeff came from la to make amends and begin rebuilding a broken relationship with lex's parents and the holiday ended with a front yard confrontation, many unkind words, more tears, a hurt dog, and even more hurt feelings. a daughter walked away from her father and mother, unable to fathom what had just occured and a man stood up for her and their relationship. rather than make an effort to begin to heal old wounds, the result of the time spent together today was the breaking of more skin.

on this day we count our blessings of our family's acceptance, love and kindness. i am thankful to have them, even if we are unable to be together physically, to nurture our relationships. i am blessed with good health, a loving family and partner and mama, lou an teddy in our cozy home.